"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them."


"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."


Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.

- Anonymous

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

- Unknown


Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?

- Ian


You know you're in love when you don't wanna go to sleep at night because your life is better than a dream.

- Unknown


Adults are just kids with money.


Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.

- Unknown


There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

- Mary Kay Ash


When you feel cold and warm at the same time,
when you read over the same line for the tenth time,
when your heart and thoughts somehow appear to rhyme,
and when a simple name conquers your whole mind,
then you are in deep trouble my friend... you are in what they call, "love".

- Philippos Aristotelous


Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you




When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.



Nobody is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.



I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned

- Unknown

Hell...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

the one.

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....

- Unknown (Website)

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

- Unknown

Hey ! came across these lovely quotes on the net...


I’m the person your mother warned you about.



We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved



Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.



Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.



A day without sunshine is like night.



Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?



Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.



The trouble with life is there’s no background music.



I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.



If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried



A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS–But it uses up a thousand times the memory.



Whatever the questions is, Liquor Is The Answer



Your Boyfriend Thinks I’m Hot.



Weapons Of Mass Distraction.



I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.



I don’t need no Educashun.


I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.

- Unknown


"The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in."



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

- Unknown



It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.


One of my favourites :

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

- shing xiong

Mirror

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

- an email sent by my friend!

True Love

A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a deserted road on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, we're going too fast. I'm scared! And I don't want anything to happen.

Guy: Come on, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Your having fun right?

Girl: NO...please stop. I'm really scared

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I LOVE YOU! Now please slow down.

Guy: Give me a hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you help me out here? Will you take me Helmet off of me and put it on you? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle has crashed into a building break failure. Two people found, but only one survived.

The Truth is: That halfway down the road the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug him for one last time. Then had her wear his helmet so she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

- Unknown

A1

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

12 Signs to know, if you Love someone.

TWELVE:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.


ELEVEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.


TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.


NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.


SIX:
They're all you think about.


FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.


FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.


THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing


ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

Am i beautiful ?

Am I beautiful?
Am I wonderful in your eyes?
Does my laughter ring through your ears?
And sound like bells tinkling?
When you look in my eyes are they never ending?
Can you find yourself in them?
Does the smile that is meant for you make your heart jump?
Does my sadness make your heart shatter?
Do my screams stab you a thousand times over?
Love my scars and heal my wounds.
Don’t pity them but look upon them with disdain
That one would make me suffer so.
Could this be love or pity?
Is this a dream or a figment of my hopes and dreams?
Crush them now before it gets to far…
Murder my love if you do not return it.
Stab my heart to make it stop so that I won’t feel this pain.
Freeze my skin so I feel no pain at all.
Tell me when this is over.
Wake me up today and let me sleep tomorrow
Yesterday was nothing but the day I didn’t know you.

Calvin and Hobbes

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

From A Mother With Love

From A Mother With Love
Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Blonde wants to be a millionaire

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

Electric train

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Annoy people...

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

One liners

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Here I am! What are your other two wishes?

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Half the people in the world are below average.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.

Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Lord save me from your followers.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.

Department of Redundancy Department

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Calvin and hobbes archive...

Download this calvin and hobbes archive for free from

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8377/Calvin-and-Hobbes-Comic-Collection-198586

Its 10 Mb and really worth it. Recomended.

Chanakya's Quotes

Ishan forwared me these quotes... on practicality


Enjoy...


* 1) "Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to
make them all yourselves!! "
- Chanakya

2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and
Honest people are screwed first."
- Chanakya

3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya

4)"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It
will destroy you."
- Chanakya

5)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
- Chanakya

6)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am
I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when
you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go
ahead."
- Chanakya

7)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
- Chanakya

8)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
- Chanakya

9)"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
- Chanakya

10)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
- Chanakya

11)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is
your temple."
- Chanakya

12) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
- Chanakya

13) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.
Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
- Chanakya

14) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next
five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a
friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
- Chanakya

15) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
- Chanakya

16) "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected
everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."
-Chanakya