Checkup from the Neck Up

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Car Trouble

My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is." I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.

I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."

"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.

"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

"In the lake."

As Good As It Gets

Three women were dressing after an aerobics workout and talking about their spouses. "My husband," said the first, "is a marriage counselor. He always buys me candy or flowers before we make love."

"Mine is a jeweler," the second said. "he always brings me a pearl or two before we make love."

The third woman paused.... "Well," she finally said, "my husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

Adventures Away!

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs
in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

A woman's 4 Favorite Animals

1. A Mink: to provide a beautiful coat.

2. A Jaguar: to reside in her garage.

3. A Tiger: to keep her happy in the bedroom.

4. A Jackass: to pay for all the above.

A Divine Sign

A Rabbi and a Priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither cleric is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the Priest's collar and says, "So you're a Priest, that's interesting. I'm a
Rabbi... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Priest replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!

The Rabbi continued, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Priest.

The Priest shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the Rabbi. The Rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Priest.

The Priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Rabbi replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A 12-Step Program

1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386474765 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 GB FREE DISK SPACE
3.5 GB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
POWER STEERING
2 TURTLE DOVES
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and trouble-shooting the software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT: By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light,...finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.

4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:

The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:

+---------+ +-----------+
| YES | | SURE |
+---------+ +-----------+

9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does who knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."

10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:

CONGRATULATIONS

The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software.

If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites,you should immediately swear, like this: *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^&

11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.


And so that's the easy way to install software...

Anybody in delhi / bombay will appreciate this more...

Noticed how horny the advetisers get while presenting the houses ?
Heres a dialogue.

Wife : " Dekho itne paise ikathha ho gaye hain, aise mein kaisa ghar miega ?"
Hubby :" Fully airconditioned, modular kitchen walla, marble flooring...."

Then in last, in the horniest manner possible, "Ab to sample flat bhee ready hai !!!".

It ends as...
Wife : "Thank you XYZ developers, ab hum bhee luxury apartments walle ho gaye...".

Back in time.

Hey, i guess you've heard this before,In case you haven't...

Go to your 'orkut' scrapbook...
There in the bottom right corner, you will find this button 'last' (the first scraps you've had)...
Read on and press 'previous' when done reading the page.
Let the memories flow.
It gets better if you haven't deleted the old scraps.

Let me know if that was good.( Scrap me idiot ! )

Orkut : View this conversation

Orkut has introduced a new concept "View this conversation"... It lets you view the older scraps which were a part of the conversation, so that you are not clueless about what the other person is talking about.

Go ahead, use it... love it !

Hey there !

Heard this song "New soul" by 'Yael Naim'... Its quite a good song, on high notes. Will definitely lift up your spirits ... Especially the way she pronounces 'mistake'. Its way too cute.

And the video is a masterpiece, watch it... why waste life ?


Download :

http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/2008/02/free-download-1.html

Lrics :

I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate.
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end cause' you don't understand everything you have done why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end come and give me your hand I'll take your far away.

[Refrain]:
I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here fellt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

Video :


myspace layouts


Comment if you liked it, here or orkut; and in future, i might as well post other such things.

soon

Vikram seth wrote this piece of poetry, back a decade. Its about a person who has been infected with HIV virus, that is he is suffering from AIDS. He can almost look at his dead end approaching. The poem is in first person. Enjoy... and yes, the last four lines are my favourites.

soon



I shall die soon, I know
This thing in my blood.
It will not let me go.
It saps my cell for food.

It soaks my night in sweat
n breaks my day in pain
No hand or drug can treat
these limbs for love or gain.

Love was the strange first cause
that bred grief in its seed,
And gain knew its own laws-
to fix ts plce and breed.

He whom I love, thank god.
Wont speak of hope or cure.
It would not do me good.
He sees that I am sure.

He knows what I have read
And will not bring me lies.
He sees that I am dead.
I read it in his eyes.

How am I to go on-
How will I bear this taste,
My throat cased in white
spawn-these hands that shake
and waste?

Stay by my steel ward bed
And hold me where I lie.
Love me when I am dead
And do not let me die.



Reread the last para...

neave

Hi,
Its been a really long time since i've posted anything. Sorry but my life kept me busy. The other dsy, i was surfing around and came across this site by paul neave...
www.neave.com

Its an awesome site, and more importantly different. Try the imagination section there. Somewhere in there you find this ...

"// Do you have any tips?

Turn the computer off and go outside. Go hang with your friends. Make lots of new friends. Count your blessings. Smile like an idiot. Don't think too much. Don't worry about the future. Don't take life too seriously. Don't pay attention to a word I say."

Go there !!! Its atleast better than this blog post !

Go Go GO !!!!

Awesome article.

Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running!! Make the most of today.

To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.

To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.

To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of
questions,
She is wondering how long you will be
around
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a
few seconds,
She is not at all fine
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying
When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once
When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it
When a GIRL says that she can't live
without you,
She has made up her mind that you are
her future
When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more
than that.

- Unknown

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them."


"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."


Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.

- Anonymous

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

- Unknown


Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?

- Ian


You know you're in love when you don't wanna go to sleep at night because your life is better than a dream.

- Unknown


Adults are just kids with money.


Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.

- Unknown


There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

- Mary Kay Ash


When you feel cold and warm at the same time,
when you read over the same line for the tenth time,
when your heart and thoughts somehow appear to rhyme,
and when a simple name conquers your whole mind,
then you are in deep trouble my friend... you are in what they call, "love".

- Philippos Aristotelous


Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you




When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.



Nobody is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.



I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned

- Unknown

Hell...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

the one.

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....

- Unknown (Website)

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

- Unknown

Hey ! came across these lovely quotes on the net...


I’m the person your mother warned you about.



We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved



Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.



Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.



A day without sunshine is like night.



Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?



Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.



The trouble with life is there’s no background music.



I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.



If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried



A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS–But it uses up a thousand times the memory.



Whatever the questions is, Liquor Is The Answer



Your Boyfriend Thinks I’m Hot.



Weapons Of Mass Distraction.



I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.



I don’t need no Educashun.


I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.

- Unknown


"The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in."



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

- Unknown



It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.


One of my favourites :

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

- shing xiong

Mirror

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

- an email sent by my friend!

True Love

A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a deserted road on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, we're going too fast. I'm scared! And I don't want anything to happen.

Guy: Come on, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Your having fun right?

Girl: NO...please stop. I'm really scared

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I LOVE YOU! Now please slow down.

Guy: Give me a hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you help me out here? Will you take me Helmet off of me and put it on you? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle has crashed into a building break failure. Two people found, but only one survived.

The Truth is: That halfway down the road the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug him for one last time. Then had her wear his helmet so she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

- Unknown

A1

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

12 Signs to know, if you Love someone.

TWELVE:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.


ELEVEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.


TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.


NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.


SIX:
They're all you think about.


FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.


FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.


THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing


ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

Am i beautiful ?

Am I beautiful?
Am I wonderful in your eyes?
Does my laughter ring through your ears?
And sound like bells tinkling?
When you look in my eyes are they never ending?
Can you find yourself in them?
Does the smile that is meant for you make your heart jump?
Does my sadness make your heart shatter?
Do my screams stab you a thousand times over?
Love my scars and heal my wounds.
Don’t pity them but look upon them with disdain
That one would make me suffer so.
Could this be love or pity?
Is this a dream or a figment of my hopes and dreams?
Crush them now before it gets to far…
Murder my love if you do not return it.
Stab my heart to make it stop so that I won’t feel this pain.
Freeze my skin so I feel no pain at all.
Tell me when this is over.
Wake me up today and let me sleep tomorrow
Yesterday was nothing but the day I didn’t know you.

Calvin and Hobbes

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

From A Mother With Love

From A Mother With Love
Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Blonde wants to be a millionaire

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

Electric train

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Annoy people...

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

One liners

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Here I am! What are your other two wishes?

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Half the people in the world are below average.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.

Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Lord save me from your followers.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.

Department of Redundancy Department

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Calvin and hobbes archive...

Download this calvin and hobbes archive for free from

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8377/Calvin-and-Hobbes-Comic-Collection-198586

Its 10 Mb and really worth it. Recomended.

Chanakya's Quotes

Ishan forwared me these quotes... on practicality


Enjoy...


* 1) "Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to
make them all yourselves!! "
- Chanakya

2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and
Honest people are screwed first."
- Chanakya

3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya

4)"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It
will destroy you."
- Chanakya

5)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
- Chanakya

6)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am
I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when
you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go
ahead."
- Chanakya

7)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
- Chanakya

8)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
- Chanakya

9)"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
- Chanakya

10)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
- Chanakya

11)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is
your temple."
- Chanakya

12) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
- Chanakya

13) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.
Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
- Chanakya

14) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next
five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a
friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
- Chanakya

15) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
- Chanakya

16) "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected
everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."
-Chanakya

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?uestions...

Came across these on the net......okay, all of it won't apply on you, but you may read on.....






Five questions no man wants to hear in the first three months (whether he is crazy about you or not!).


Where do we stand?
The Reason: It makes you look desperate. Men love a challenge and despite what they say, think, or how they act, they don’t want you to define the relationship. Let him take the lead now or he never will.

Do you ever think about your ex-girlfriend?
The Reason: This shows a man that you are not secure with yourself. Even on those days that your zit is huge, your clothes are too snug, and your hair is filled with frizz; you must act like a “Bond Girl.” It is the difference between making a man fall in like or in love.

Do you want to have kids?
The Reason: Again, it’s about control. The man wants to take the lead. Let him coo-coo over the baby in the grocery store. You will have plenty of time to let him know that you have already named your three future children. Take the first three months to let him say the D-word (Daddy) first.

Am I fat?
The Reason: If he didn’t like they way you looked, he would not have dated you: bottom line! Don’t point out your flaws to him or give him a reason to find any imperfections. To him you are timeless and flawless; make sure you stay that way.

Does your mother like me? (even worse, can I meet your parents?)
The Reason: His mother is the other woman in his life. Let him decide when it is the right time for you to meet her. He may want to make sure she is ready to meet you. You are the woman who may take her little boy away from her. This is a big step; let him take it at his pace.

Pvt messages in orkut

Hi there...
I recently discovered this way of sending private msgs in orkut. No not through the "message" section. Its simple. Just send a testimonial...write the stuff you want, and ask that person not to accept it. This way no-one comes to know, and u manage to have your share of privacy on orkut.

Did u know about this one ? comment, here or on orkut

INVISIBLE FOLDER

You ever have a folder on your computer that you really dont want any one to find? You can make this folder hidden but then you have to un-hide all the folders when ever you want to find it. So how can you make a folder truly invisible? Follow these simple steps and your unmentionables will stay that way.

1. Right click where ever you want the invisible folder to be and select create a new folder.

2. Right Click on the folder and hit rename. Erase the name of the folder so there is nothing there.

3. If you try to stop here windows will tell you that you need to provide a name. So to get around this… with the name field still active hold down ALT and press 0160 on the number pad (make sure Num Lock is on), release alt

You should now have a blank name with nothing but a folder next to it

Now click on the nameless folder and right click. Select Properties.



5. Go to the Customize tab.



6. Find and press the Change Icon button. Scroll through the icons until you find one that has no image.



There u go !!! Enjoy. But5 be careful... most of the geek community knows it.


P.S : In case you are wondering how it works, by pressing Alt+0160 , you are actually assigning the name as space. Its a cool way to rename your My Computer icon . You just have the icon ... No name !!!

6 cool websites

Hi, here i am recommending 6 of the sites i have found incredibly useful.Okay, the biggies arent here because everyone has heard of google, orkut and youtube. Heres the list with a short description. Most of them are for different type of people, so they aren't ranked in the order...


#1. You like downloading softwares, freewares and/or paid s/w. This is internets' one of the largest s/w depositories. Best of all, the site is very neat. You have the s/w categorised as : windows, games, drivers, handheld, scripts, mac, linux, mobile and news (phew!).

Head to www.softpedia.com



#2. You arent crazy for those tonnes of softwares, but yes ! you need reviews about the s/w. This is a site every geek worth his salt has been to.

Join the cult, head to www.majorgeeks.com



#3. You have a subtle sense of creativity and are amused by childish innocence and are bored by those harleys and ferraries on your desktop. You need something soothing.

Dont think twice click here, www.vladstudio.com



#4. You have that scientific edge and like to be updated about the latest progresses in technology, social lives and politics. You have wondered what exactly is a blue ray disc and a HD-DVD... Which is the worst way to die ? How nailguns work ?
Will a flame-thrower work in water ? What was the fact behind 9/11 ? How much time will one take to die if exposed in outer space ? and so on........

Everyone needs to go atleast once to www.howstuffworks.com



#5. You're cursing your computer because it has hung up again. You dont know what to do if 'config.dll' is missing. Youre ipod is skipping songs. Top 10 tweaks for windows vista. Or any specific problem, like configuring your HP deskjet 340 printer.
The site has got exhaustive resources. And i mean exhaustive. Any computer woes ?

Lookup www.zolved.com



#6. You are in a hurry and you need to log in into some site, say for downloading stuff, or for that matter viewing a video or looking for any chunk of data. You are too much freaked out at that point of time to register and give ur email ID , name and 15 such entries. Moreover say you dont want to give ur E-ID for security reasons.
Or if you need to use an ID just once, ie. disposable email ID.

The end of your troubles is at www.bugmenot.com ( Kneel before the site and thank it for saving your brain from getting a migrane !)

"marks" centered society

Hi, here I am posting the following story 'the vendetta' in a cyber cafe in rajokari on 29th of May.... Did the date strike something ? Well yes if you are in Xth. Cbse is announcing its Xth results today.

As i am typing, parents have flocked around for thier sons'/daughters' much awaited result. A seargent here just exclaimed " Agar cbse jaise checking mein science mein 98 se kam aaye to ladke mein dum nahi hai." ( probably his son got it and an aggregate of 92% as well.)



Now this gentelman is soo happy, but more than that boastful of his sons' performance.... Here 5-6 people have gathered around a round table just like women do while gossiping....Another gentelman exclaims " Sir ! bete ko IIT karaa do... clear ho jayegaa. " Then what, the dad's bossom swells as much as a helium balloon and in the absense of the son, a decision has been made. By tommorow evening the poor chap will have " 30 yrs IIT-JEE 'solved' papers " in front of him.

Okay people, let me make it clear that i got no problems with this gentelman or for that matter his son, but i am against this attitude.

Now its not the dads' fault... Here we've got a custom. A custom that once a poor guy gets a 90% and above in Xth, Hes automatically into the 'race of IIT' Now he has more books than the number of TV channels you see at your house. He wants to take time off studies, but he is constantly reminded by his 'well-wishers' that he has come onto this earth to achieve something BIG...(divine motive) He isn't ordinary. He must forget the following words ... fun, play, TV, Internet........and sometimes sleep(over 6 hrs).
I guess most of us have heard " Beta/Beti do saal aur mehnat kar lee.."

Now in two months, he keeps going on and on and on......... Now hes got eye-glasses, a proof that hes studying. His face sulks and he looks worse than that of a nerd. school - coaching - self study - school - coaching........ is the routine he has got.

I hope you get my point......... Okay, i can hear most of you complaining that "I got a 90% and my parents ddnt force me into IIT and stuff" or "I took commerce or humanities"........................................... I was going by the law of averages.

Well the bigger picture is that this needs to be changed. So today evening get out of the house and spend some time in the neighbourhood park. Take a break and yes ! dont leave that hobby of yours !

Now people, I would love if you too interact with me over this topic. I have made many assumptions though......... But if your perspective differs from mine, lemme know. Leave a comment here or just scrap me on orkut.

hey yaa........ Heres another short story by Guy De Maupassant .....

Its tittled " The Vendetta "...
The story is about revenge taken by a helpless widow against a guy who killed her son. Fascinating ! Go ahead...



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



PAOLO SAVERINI'S WIDOW LIVED ALONE WITH HER SON IN A poor little house on the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town, built on a spur of the mountains, in places actually overhanging the sea, looks across a channel bristling with reefs, to the lower shores of Sardinia. At its foot, on the other side and almost completely surrounding it, is the channel that serves as its harbour, cut in the cliff like a gigantic corridor. Through a long circuit between steep walls, the channel brings to the very foot of the first houses the little Italian or Sardinian fishing-boats, and, every fortnight, the old steamboat that runs to and from Ajaccio.

Upon the white mountain the group of houses form a whiter patch still. They look like the nests of wild birds, perched so upon the rock, dominating that terrible channel through which hardly ever a ship risks a passage. The unresting wind harasses the sea and eats away the bare shore, clad with a sparse covering of grass; it rushes into the ravine and ravages its two sides. The trailing wisps of white foam round the black points of countless rocks that everywhere pierce the waves, look like rags of canvas floating and heaving on the surface of the water.

The widow Saverini's house held for dear life to the very edge of the cliff; its three windows looked out over this wild and desolate scene.

She lived there alone with her son Antoine and their bitch Semillante, a large, thin animal with long, shaggy hair, of the sheep-dog breed. The young man used her for hunting.

One evening, after a quarrel, Antoine Saverini was treacherously slain by a knife-thrust from Nicolas Ravolati, who got away to Sardinia the same night.

When his old mother received his body, carried home by bystanders, she did not weep, but for a long time stayed motionless, looking at it; then, stretching out her wrinkled hand over the body, she swore vendetta against him. She would have no one stay with her, and shut herself up with the body, together with the howling dog. The animal howled continuously, standing at the foot of the bed, her head thrust towards her master, her tail held tightly between her legs. She did not stir, nor did the mother, who crouched over the body with her eyes fixed steadily upon it, and wept great silent tears.

The young man, lying on his back, clad in his thick serge coat with a hole torn across the front, looked as though he slept; but everywhere there was blood; on the shirt, torn off for the first hasty dressing; on his waistcoat, on his breeches, on his face, on his hands. Clots of blood had congealed in his beard and in his hair.

The old mother began to speak to him. At the sound of her voice the dog was silent.

"There, there, you shall be avenged, my little one, my boy, my poor child. Sleep, sleep, you shall be avenged, do you hear! Your mother swears it! And your mother always keeps her word; you know she does."

Slowly she bent over him, pressing her cold lips on the dead lips.

Then Semillante began to howl once more. She uttered long cries, monotonous, heart-rending, horrible cries.

They remained there, the pair of them, the woman and the dog, till morning.

Antoine Saverini was buried next day, and before long there was no more talk of him in Bonifacio.

He had left neither brothers nor close cousins. No man was there to carry on the vendetta. Only his mother, an old woman, brooded over it.


On the other side of the channel she watched from morning till night a white speck on the coast. It was a little Sardinian village, Longosardo, where Corsican bandits fled for refuge when too hard pressed. They formed almost the entire population of this hamlet, facing the shores of their own country, and there they awaited a suitable moment to come home, to return to the maquis of Corsica. She knew that Nicolas Ravolati had taken refuge in this very village.

All alone, all day long, sitting by the window, she looked over there and pondered revenge. How could she do it without another's help, so feeble as she was, so near to death? But she had promised, she had sworn upon the body. She could not forget, she could not wait. What was she to do? She could no longer sleep at night, she had no more sleep nor peace; obstinately she searched for a way. The dog slumbered at her feet and sometimes, raising her head, howled into the empty spaces. Since her master had gone, she often howled thus, as though she were calling him, as though her animal soul, inconsolable, had retained an ineffaceable memory of him.

One night, as Semillante was beginning to moan again, the mother had a sudden idea, an idea quite natural to a vindictive and ferocious savage. She meditated on it till morning, then, rising at the approach of day, she went to church. She prayed, kneeling on the stones, prostrate before God, begging Him to aid her, to sustain her, to grant her poor worn-out body the strength necessary to avenge her son.

Then she returned home. There stood in the yard an old barrel with its sides stove in, which held the rain-water; she overturned it, emptied it, and fixed it to the ground with stakes and stones; then she chained up Semillante in this kennel, and went into the house.

Next she began to walk up and down her room, taking no rest, her eyes still turned to the coast of Sardinia. He was there, the murderer.

All day long and all night long the dog howled. In the morning the old woman took her some water in a bowl, but nothing else; no soup, no bread.

Another day went by. Semillante, exhausted, was asleep. Next day her eyes were shining, her hair on end, and she tugged desperately at the chain.

Again the old woman gave her nothing to eat. The animal, mad with hunger, barked hoarsely. Another night went by.

When day broke, Mother Saverini went to her neighbour to ask him to give her two trusses of straw. She took the old clothes her husband had worn and stuffed them with the straw into the likeness of a human figure.

Having planted a post in the ground opposite Semillante's kennel, she tied the dummy figure to it, which looked now as though it were standing. Then she fashioned a head with a roll of old linen.

The dog, surprised, looked at this straw man, and was silent, although devoured with hunger.

Then the woman went to the pork-butcher and bought a long piece of black pudding. She returned home, lit a wood fire in her yard, close to the kennel, and grilled the black pudding. Semillante, maddened, leapt about and foamed at the mouth, her eyes fixed on the food, the flavour of which penetrated to her very stomach.

Then with the smoking sausage the mother made a collar for the straw man. She spent a long time lashing it round his neck, as though to stuff it right in. When it was done, she unchained the dog.

With a tremendous bound the animal leapt upon the dummy's throat and with her paws on his shoulders began to rend it. She fell back with a piece of the prey in her mouth, then dashed at it again, sank her teeth into the cords, tore away a few fragments of food, fell back again, and leapt once more, ravenous.

With great bites she rent away the face, and tore the whole neck to shreds.

The old woman watched, motionless and silent, a gleam in her eyes. Then she chained up her dog again, made her go without food for two more days, and repeated the strange performance.

For three months she trained the dog to this struggle, the conquest of a meal by fangs. She no longer chained her up, but launched her upon the dummy with a sign.

She had taught the dog to rend and devour it without hiding food in its throat. Afterwards she would reward the dog with the gift of the black pudding she had cooked for her.

As soon as she saw the man, Semillante would tremble, then turn her eyes towards her mistress, who would cry "Off!" in a whistling tone, raising her finger.

When she judged that the time was come, Mother Saverini went to confession and took communion one Sunday morning with an ecstatic fervour; then, putting on a man's clothes, like an old ragged beggar, she bargained with a Sardinian fisherman, who took her, accompanied by the dog, to the other side of the straits.

In a canvas bag she had a large piece of black pudding. Semillante had had nothing to eat for two days. Every minute the old woman made her smell the savoury food, stimulating her hunger with it.

They came to Longosardo. The Corsican woman was limping slightly. She went to the baker's and inquired for Nicolas Ravolati's house. He had resumed his old occupation, that of a joiner. He was working alone at the back of his shop.

The old woman pushed open the door and called him:

"Hey! Nicolas!"

He turned round; then, letting go of her dog, she cried:

"Off, off, bite him, bite him!"

The maddened beast dashed forward and seized his throat.

The man put out his arms, clasped the dog, and rolled upon the ground. For a few minutes he writhed, beating the ground with his feet; then he remained motionless while Semillante nuzzled at his throat and tore it out in ribbons.

Two neighbours, sitting at their doors, plainly recollected having seen a poor old man come out with a lean black dog which ate, as it walked, something brown that its master was giving to it.

In the evening the old woman returned home. That night she slept well.




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After 20 years.

Hi again.........

Here is a short story by O Henry, I loved it... hope u like it too.
Well about him, wikipedia says.....

" His wit, characterization and plot twists were adored by his readers, but often panned by the critics. Yet, he went on to gain international recognition and is credited with defining the short story as a literary art form."

"His wit, characterization and plot twists were adored by his readers, but often panned by the critics. Yet, he went on to gain international recognition and is credited with defining the short story as a literary art form."

Well, enjoy.....




The policeman on the beat moved up the avenue impressively. The impressiveness was habitual and not for show, for spectators were few. The time was barely 10 o'clock at night, but chilly gusts of wind with a taste of rain in them had well nigh depeopled the streets.

Trying doors as he went, twirling his club with many intricate and artful movements, turning now and then to cast his watchful eye adown the pacific thoroughfare, the officer, with his stalwart form and slight swagger, made a fine picture of a guardian of the peace. The vicinity was one that kept early hours. Now and then you might see the lights of a cigar store or of an all-night lunch counter; but the majority of the doors belonged to business places that had long since been closed.

When about midway of a certain block the policeman suddenly slowed his walk. In the doorway of a darkened hardware store a man leaned, with an unlighted cigar in his mouth. As the policeman walked up to him the man spoke up quickly.

"It's all right, officer," he said, reassuringly. "I'm just waiting for a friend. It's an appointment made twenty years ago. Sounds a little funny to you, doesn't it? Well, I'll explain if you'd like to make certain it's all straight. About that long ago there used to be a restaurant where this store stands--'Big Joe' Brady's restaurant."

"Until five years ago," said the policeman. "It was torn down then."

The man in the doorway struck a match and lit his cigar. The light showed a pale, square-jawed face with keen eyes, and a little white scar near his right eyebrow. His scarfpin was a large diamond, oddly set.

"Twenty years ago to-night," said the man, "I dined here at 'Big Joe' Brady's with Jimmy Wells, my best chum, and the finest chap in the world. He and I were raised here in New York, just like two brothers, together. I was eighteen and Jimmy was twenty. The next morning I was to start for the West to make my fortune. You couldn't have dragged Jimmy out of New York; he thought it was the only place on earth. Well, we agreed that night that we would meet here again exactly twenty years from that date and time, no matter what our conditions might be or from what distance we might have to come. We figured that in twenty years each of us ought to have our destiny worked out and our fortunes made, whatever they were going to be."

"It sounds pretty interesting," said the policeman. "Rather a long time between meets, though, it seems to me. Haven't you heard from your friend since you left?"

"Well, yes, for a time we corresponded," said the other. "But after a year or two we lost track of each other. You see, the West is a pretty big proposition, and I kept hustling around over it pretty lively. But I know Jimmy will meet me here if he's alive, for he always was the truest, stanchest old chap in the world. He'll never forget. I came a thousand miles to stand in this door to-night, and it's worth it if my old partner turns up."

The waiting man pulled out a handsome watch, the lids of it set with small diamonds.

"Three minutes to ten," he announced. "It was exactly ten o'clock when we parted here at the restaurant door."

"Did pretty well out West, didn't you?" asked the policeman.

"You bet! I hope Jimmy has done half as well. He was a kind of plodder, though, good fellow as he was. I've had to compete with some of the sharpest wits going to get my pile. A man gets in a groove in New York. It takes the West to put a razor-edge on him."

The policeman twirled his club and took a step or two.

"I'll be on my way. Hope your friend comes around all right. Going to call time on him sharp?"

"I should say not!" said the other. "I'll give him half an hour at least. If Jimmy is alive on earth he'll be here by that time. So long, officer."

"Good-night, sir," said the policeman, passing on along his beat, trying doors as he went.

There was now a fine, cold drizzle falling, and the wind had risen from its uncertain puffs into a steady blow. The few foot passengers astir in that quarter hurried dismally and silently along with coat collars turned high and pocketed hands. And in the door of the hardware store the man who had come a thousand miles to fill an appointment, uncertain almost to absurdity, with the friend of his youth, smoked his cigar and waited.

About twenty minutes he waited, and then a tall man in a long overcoat, with collar turned up to his ears, hurried across from the opposite side of the street. He went directly to the waiting man.

"Is that you, Bob?" he asked, doubtfully.

"Is that you, Jimmy Wells?" cried the man in the door.

"Bless my heart!" exclaimed the new arrival, grasping both the other's hands with his own. "It's Bob, sure as fate. I was certain I'd find you here if you were still in existence. Well, well, well! --twenty years is a long time. The old gone, Bob; I wish it had lasted, so we could have had another dinner there. How has the West treated you, old man?"

"Bully; it has given me everything I asked it for. You've changed lots, Jimmy. I never thought you were so tall by two or three inches."

"Oh, I grew a bit after I was twenty."

"Doing well in New York, Jimmy?"

"Moderately. I have a position in one of the city departments. Come on, Bob; we'll go around to a place I know of, and have a good long talk about old times."

The two men started up the street, arm in arm. The man from the West, his egotism enlarged by success, was beginning to outline the history of his career. The other, submerged in his overcoat, listened with interest.

At the corner stood a drug store, brilliant with electric lights. When they came into this glare each of them turned simultaneously to gaze upon the other's face.

The man from the West stopped suddenly and released his arm.

"You're not Jimmy Wells," he snapped. "Twenty years is a long time, but not long enough to change a man's nose from a Roman to a pug."

"It sometimes changes a good man into a bad one, said the tall man. "You've been under arrest for ten minutes, 'Silky' Bob. Chicago thinks you may have dropped over our way and wires us she wants to have a chat with you. Going quietly, are you? That's sensible. Now, before we go on to the station here's a note I was asked to hand you. You may read it here at the window. It's from Patrolman Wells."

The man from the West unfolded the little piece of paper handed him. His hand was steady when he began to read, but it trembled a little by the time he had finished. The note was rather short.

"Bob: I was at the appointed place on time. When you struck the match to light your cigar I saw it was the face of the man wanted in Chicago. Somehow I couldn't do it myself, so I went around and got a plain clothes man to do the job. JIMMY."

Hi......... I came across these witty one liners...
Enjoy...




If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.
-- Konrad Adenauer

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.

-- Brian Pickrell

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
-- George Benard Shaw

Those who can do, those who can't teach.
-- George Benard Shaw

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
-- George Benard Shaw

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.
-- George Benard Shaw


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Enough of fun people, Heres something which is closer to life...

#1.
~~

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me.

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know," the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.

The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.

Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.... I call him God.


#2.
~~

Dear Patrick,

I was then an only child who had everything I could ever want. But even a pretty, spoiled and rich kid could get lonely once in a while so when Mom told me that she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I imagined how wonderful you would be and how we'd always be together and how much you would look like me. So, when you were born, I looked at your tiny hands and feet and marveled at how beautiful you were.

We took you home and I showed you proudly to my friends. They would touch you and sometimes pinch you, but you never reacted. When you were five months old, some things began to bother Mom. You seemed so unmoving and numb, and your cry sounded odd --- almost like a kitten's. So we brought you to many doctors.

The thirteenth doctor who looked at you quietly said you have the "cry du chat" (pronounced Kree-do-sha) syndrome, "cry of the cat" in French.

When I asked what that meant, he looked at me with pity and softly said, "Your brother will never walk nor talk." The doctor told us that it is a condition that afflicts one in 50,000 babies, rendering victims severely retarded. Mom was shocked and I was furious. I thought it was unfair.

When we went home, Mom took you in her arms and cried. I looked at you and realized that word will get around that you're not normal. So to hold on to my popularity, I did the unthinkable ... I disowned you. Mom and Dad didn't know but I steeled myself not to love you as you grew. Mom and Dad showered you love and attention and that made me bitter. And as the years passed, that bitterness turned to anger, and then hate.

Mom never gave up on you. She knew she had to do it for your sake.

Everytime she put your toys down, you'd roll instead of crawl. I watched her heart break every time she took away your toys and strapped your tummy with foam so you couldn't roll. You struggle and you're cry in that pitiful way, the cry of the kitten. But she still didn't give up.

And then one day, you defied what all your doctors said -- you crawled.

When mom saw this, she knew you would eventually walk. So when you were still crawling at age four, she'd put you on the grass with only your diapers on knowing that you hate the feel of the grass on your skin.

Then she'd leave you there. I would sometimes watch from the windows and smile at your discomfort. You would crawl to the sidewalk and Mom would put you back. Again and again, Mom repeated this on the lawn. Until one day, Mom saw you pull yourself up and toddle off the grass as fast as your little legs could carry you.

Laughing and crying, she shouted for Dad and I to come. Dad hugged you crying openly.

I watched from my bedroom window this heartbreaking scene.

Over the years, Mom taught you to speak, read and write. From then on, I would sometime see you walk outside, smell the flowers, marvel at the birds, or just smile at no one. I began to see the beauty of the world through your eyes. It was then that I realized that you were my brother and no matter how much I tried to hate you, I couldn't, because I had grown to love you.

During the next few days, we again became acquainted with each other. I would buy you toys and give you all the love that a sister could ever give to her brother. And you would reward me by smiling and hugging me.

But I guess, you were never really meant for us. On your tenth birthday, you felt severe headaches. The doctor's diagnosis --leukemia. Mom gasped and Dad held her, while I fought hard to keep my tears from falling. At that moment, I loved you all the more. I couldn't even bear to leave your side. Then the doctors told us that your only hope is to have a bonemarrow transplant. You became the subject of a nationwide donor search. When at last we found the right match, you were too sick, and the doctor reluctantly ruled out the operations. Since then, you underwent chemotherapy and radiation.

Even at the end, you continued to pursue life. Just a month before you died, you made me draw up a list of things you wanted to do when you got out of the hospital. Two days after the list was completed, you asked the doctors to send you home. There, we ate ice cream and cake, run across the grass, flew kites, went fishing, took pictures of one another and let the balloons fly. I remember the last conversation that we had. You said that if you die, and if I need of help, I could send you a note to heaven by tying it on the string of any balloon and letting it fly. When you said this, I started crying. Then you hugged me. Then again, for the last time, you got sick.

That last night, you asked for water, a back rub, a cuddle. Finally, you went into seizure with tears streaming down your face. Later, at the hospital, you struggled to talk but the words wouldn't come. I know what you wanted to say. "Hear you," I whispered. And for the last time, I said, "I'll always love and I will never forget you. Don't be afraid. You'll soon be with God in heaven." Then, with my tears flowing freely, I watched the bravest boy I had ever known finally stop breathing. Dad, Mom and I cried until I felt as if there were no more tears left. Patrick was finally gone, leaving us behind.

From then on, you were my source of inspiration. You showed me how to love life and live to the fullest. With your simplicity and honesty, you showed me a world full of love and caring. And you made me realize that the most important thing in this life is to continue loving without asking why or how and without setting any limit.

Thank you, my little brother, for all these.


.
.
.

:-(

I felt soo bad after reading the second one.

Loved with everlasting love.

Hi !!! HEres a piece of poetry i came across recenty...

Its tittled " Loved with everlasting love "....

Its been written from the perspective of a girl who is in love with a guy.
Go on.... Read it slowly, twice if necessary. ITs an amazing piece of art.

Loved with everlasting love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Led by Grace that love to know
Spirit breathing from above
Thou hast taught me it is so
Oh this full and perfect peace
Oh this transport all divine
In a love that cannot cease
I am His and He is mine

Heaven above is softer blue
Earth around is sweeter green
Something lives in every hue
Christless eyes have never seen
Birds with gladder songs o’erflow
Flowers with deeper beauties shine
Since I know, as now I know
I am His and He is mine

Things that once were wild alarms
Cannot now disturb my rest
Closed in everlasting arms
Pillowed on the loving breast
Oh to lie for ever here
Doubt and care and self resign
While He whispers in my ear
I am His and He is mine

His for ever, only His
Who the Lord and me shall part
Ah with what a rest of bliss
Christ can fill the loving heart
Heaven and earth may fade and flee
Firstborn light in gloom decline
But while God and I shall be
I am His and He is mine


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Ahh ! I get soooo soppy after reading this.....
Am not aware of the author.... But that shouldn't stop u frm posting comments.

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